


Nothing Better

by kumo_is_kumo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: CollegeBoyBaekhyun, Fluff, Idol-fan, IdolChanyeol, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 07:35:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16363628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kumo_is_kumo/pseuds/kumo_is_kumo
Summary: Prompt: SFY174Little Mix's Secret Love SongNothing better than knowing that Baekhyun is his, the same applies.





	Nothing Better

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Finally I finished writing this fic, I hope the prompter will enjoy this! There are some points of your requests that I skipped (not major, don't worry) because they didn't fit with the plot I was planning. I hope it's still enjoyable to you and also to other readers too! Thanks for the song prompt and also thanks to the mods for holding this fest! Enjoy this, everyone!

 

_"As you drive me to my home, I can't stop these silent tears from flowing down,_

_you and I both have to hide on the outside where I can't be yours and you can't be mine"_

_Little Mix - Secret Love Song_

 

♪♪♪

 

The traffic lights blink before cars drive away after the red light is over. It’s already reaching the midnight; almost everyone is sleeping in their own respective house.

But not for Baekhyun.

The night is cold, the breeze is seeping into his skin and despite him being cooped up in an expensive car with warm heater, he doesn’t feel warm at all. Everything just feels numbed.

What’s the use of being warmed inside this car with tinted windows, being hidden from the whole world, and having the personal space when in reality, nothing just feels right? It’s like a ticking bomb; the tension between the two of them.

Baekhyun keeps his gaze out of the window as the car drives into the familiar area of his dorm, which means the time is indeed ticking, almost running out. And the problem is not yet solved.

There are soft thuds of fingers tapping onto the steering wheel, tensed and anxious, yet Baekhyun doesn’t even pay much attention to that. He is too numbed already, he doesn’t know what to feel right now.

When the car slows down a few blocks away from his dorm, Baekhyun knows that the impending doom is coming right up.

It’s always like this: far from people’s eyes and hidden deep in the corner of darkness.

It was once exciting, was once so lovely, so thrilling, but now it’s all just empty masks to hide.

A few minutes pass without Baekhyun saying anything and he knows the man sitting on the driver seat is running out of his patience too. He hears a sigh, and then like usual, a hand reaches for his. The touch is warm, just like the usual as well, but Baekhyun has gone way too cold to even notice the warmness seeping through the simple act.

“Baekhyun, say something.” He hears the voice that he loves the most talking to him. Baekhyun glances out of the window, keeping his stare faraway.

What does he want him to say? I miss you? I love you? How are you?

He has said all those; multiple times until he loses the counts.

“I’m sorry but I was very busy.” The same old excuse.

“I hope you understand.” Still the same.

Baekhyun doesn’t know where the chuckle is bubbling out from, but it sounds so bitter that he can almost taste it on his tongue.

“Understand?” He whispers out, “Yes, of course. I always understand you. But do you do the same? Are you even trying, _Chanyeol_?”

There is stunned look flashing across the man’s whole face. Baekhyun hates acting like this, like he is the most selfish person in this whole world, but he can’t help it. He is desperate.

No answer, there is no answer given to him.

That silence is enough to bring the tears Baekhyun has been holding back for hours to finally crash down, dripping to his trembling fingers.

“Always, Chanyeol. I always understand you. Never for a second I don’t. But how about you? Are you doing the same? Are you trying to understand _me_?” He whispers, voice broken in the middle of it.

“It’s always a quick hidden meet up. It’s always one second kiss. It’s not even a long lasting embrace. Why is it always me who is trying? We make this relationship, Chanyeol. At least- at least _pretend_ that you are trying.”

Baekhyun takes a deep, shaky breathe and then he looks straight through his own tears-blurred stare, right into his supposedly _boyfriend_ ’s eyes, “It’s always _you_. I, too, want to be selfish for once. Can _I_?”

 

 

***

 

 

“No way,” Baekhyun gasps, holding onto the ticket which worth more than his life, securing the single tiny and thin paper in between his fingers like it is gold.

Jongdae sure has his head held so high that if he ever does lift it a bit more, it will touch the ceiling already.

“Yes way.” Jongdae declares, summing up the whole situation and internally counting the seconds in his head until Baekhyun would finally jump on him. It usually takes around five seconds to happen and—

“Jongdae! Oh my god, I love you so much, Jongdae!” Baekhyun screeches, throwing himself to his friend slash dorm mate. It only takes three seconds this time, that’s a new record.

Baekhyun hugs his friend so tight, not really caring if Jongdae is capable of breathing or not, because his friend’s job is done here. Kidding, he still loves Jongdae and his help during pop quizzes so no, he can’t do without Jongdae.

“I don’t know how you could get this but- but, my god, I think I’m going to cry,” Baekhyun sniffles, wiping a single tear away from the corner of his eye. Jongdae makes a face. “Don’t overact, Baekhyun. That’s only a single ticket—”

“Only?!” Baekhyun shrieks, glaring at him the widest as he could despite him unable to open his eyes as big as Kyungsoo their other friend does.

Jongdae ticks his eyebrows. “Yep. Only a ticket-”

“Which worth ten times of my life, yes.” Baekhyun breathes out in disbelief at how Jongdae could even see such precious ticket as something so normal. No, this is not only a mere ticket. This is a treasure; one of those ten limited tickets to attend Park Chanyeol’s private fanmeeting.

Baekhyun is not sure how Jongdae could get this and he is going to find out about it later, not now.

“With this treasure, Jongdae,” Baekhyun pauses, holding onto the ticket in his both hands as if it shines, “I could finally meet Park Chanyeol, the love of my life!”

“You meet him everyday in your room.” Jongdae says.

Baekhyun throws him a stinky glare. “Staring at his poster doesn’t count!”

“It counts, with how often you are actually talking to that damned poster.”

That’s actually quite the truth. Baekhyun is quite infatuated with the idol. He loves him with  all his heart, he is not kidding.

Park Chanyeol is the only man Baekhyun has ever loved romantically in his whole life. Call him crazy, call him delusional, because he is just a mere boy fan who Park Chanyeol doesn’t even know exists in this world.

But Baekhyun just loves him. He loves his talent as a singer, he loves his witty words as a rapper, he loves his acting behind the television screen, he loves the meaning behind all those self composed songs, he just loves his sincerity.

He just loves Park Chanyeol.

His music accompanies Baekhyun through his happy and sad moments, lulling him to sleep, and giving him a new hope to live on each day.

And now, with Jongdae’s help, he will be able to attend this private mini fanmeeting which will only be available 200 lucky fans. And to think that he is one of those 200…

“Jongdae, I love you!!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m- I’m so nervous.” Baekhyun mutters, face paling. Jongdae rolls his eyes at him. His friend helps him tying his scarf tightly around his neck so he won’t catch a cold like that last time he was out alone by himself without a coat or a scarf.

“What if I make a fun of myself?”

Jongdae pinches his cheek, hard enough to make him wince. “Shut up, will you? You are just going to see your idol in a fan meeting, not that you will see him as your blind date!”

Baekhyun gulps. “Oh my god, Jongdae, I think I won’t be goin—”

“I don’t beg for this ticket just to have you backing up from it, Baekhyun. I will be very mad at you.” Jongdae frowns, his hands on his hips. Baekhyun nibbles on his lip. “Okay, I will be going… don’t be mad at me please.”

“I won’t if you walk out through the door right this instant so you won’t miss the train.”

Baekhyun shrieks, glancing to the digital clock. “My goodness! I have to go now! Bye bye, Jongdae! I will see you at night!”

He scrambles with his shoes, almost tripping on his way out and then slams the door shut.

“Have fun, son!” Jongdae calls out, grinning teasingly.

 

 

 

 

 

The queue is so long already the moment Baekhyun arrives at the private venue. Most of the fans are girls, but he can find some boys like him littering around shyly.

As he enters the venue, he can’t keep his mouth from hanging open at the sight of the empty seats for the fans and the well made stage in front of them. There are a microphone stand, an electric guitar, a keyboard, and also a set of drums ready. Just thinking of Park Chanyeol performing his every talent in this mini fan meeting has Baekhyun squirming in excitement.

He is going to enjoy this for sure!

Baekhyun sits in between two girls, according to the seat number in their ticket. He shyly nods his head when the girls ask him whether he is indeed a fan of Park Chanyeol. Really, being a boy fan always makes it easy for girls to squeal.

Halfway through him sharing some chats with the girls, the whole venue dims from the light and then everyone, including Baekhyun himself, screams in delight. The fan meeting is about to start.

The stage is lit by the lamp on the center and then suddenly Park Chanyeol is already there, holding onto the electric guitar Baekhyun has noticed before. He starts the event with his debut song, singing flawlessly and giving an impromptu rap that has Baekhyun squirming on his seat.

The next performance is Park Chanyeol sitting behind the drums set and twirling the drum sticks in his hands, his tongue seeping out to lick his dry lips, which causes a roar from the girls.

It’s so mind blowing; Baekhyun has never gotten the chance to attend any Park Chanyeol’s concerts and this is his first time ever to see the man directly with his very own eyes. The man is simply breathtaking, flawless, and fabulous. He is so handsome and attractive, looking so wild and at the same time so elegant with how he handles the keyboard, playing a short ballad song for his fans.

His laughs, his smiles, his corny jokes, his little gestures he gives to show the fans that he loves them; Baekhyun watches in awe and amazement. He can see how much Park Chanyeol loves his fans and how thankful he is towards them.

A boost of pride and support washes over Baekhyun and he eagerly awaits for the time he would be able to attend Park Chanyeol’s concert. He is going to support the man with all his might, even though he is only a mere boy fan who can only cheer him from afar.

Little by little, Baekhyun falls even more in love with him, as silly as it sounds.

There are videos played on the screen, of fans’ messages for the idol as the last event of the fan meeting. Park Chanyeol stares at them all, those who attend today, with his eyes glossed in unshed tears and he gives them all a thankful smile.

Baekhyun hears the girls around him sniffs and calls a loud ‘ _oppa_!’

By the end of the time, Park Chanyeol finishes the song he has just released a week ago; a song dedicated for his fans and supporters.

 

 

 

 

 

It all passes just like a dream, so beautiful and touching, and the next thing Baekhyun realizes, he is walking out of the venue with mixed feelings.

He is very happy to be able to see and meet his favorite idol, but also kind of disappointed that the day is over in a blink of an eye. Even though that way, he is still content that he is finally able to watch the idol’s performance with his eyes.

His ears are still ringing from the previous beats and his eyes are still blinded with the neon light previously in the venue, so instead of heading to the train station, Baekhyun decides to stop by the restroom to calm himself. His heart is still beating quite the rhythm and he washes his face to stay cool.

Maybe it’s because of his first time attending event like this, so Baekhyun feels like he is losing the power in his legs so he scoots to the corner of the restroom to rest for a moment.

It feels like a dream, so unbelievable and so out of his reach.

Eventually, all the energy leaves him and Baekhyun feels his eyes slowly drop down. Maybe a quick nap will be alright…

 

 

 

 

 

Park Chanyeol chugs down the water to relieve his thirst. His mini fan meeting is a successful one and he is incredibly happy.

“Come on, Chanyeol. We are heading back to the company.” The manager announces, picking up the coat and a bag.

He nods. “Okay. I’m heading to the restroom first.”

“Don’t take too long!”

Putting down another empty bottle, he steps out of the waiting room and then heads straight to the restroom. It’s already night time and no one else is in the venue except him and the staffs, so it’s quite shocking to find a boy sleeping on the corner of the restroom.

He carefully approaches the boy, noticing a scarf, a light stick, and some goodies with his own face there. Ah, a boy fan.

“Hey.” He calls, gently patting the boy on his arm.

 

 

 

Baekhyun jolts up in surprise, his blood rushing in his ears, and his eyes glancing wide here and there. Where is he? When did he fall asleep? And who’s talking to hi—

“Wahh!!” He shrieks, covering his face when he finds the man of his life crouching in front of him.

Ever so slowly, he peeks through the curtain of his fingers. “P-P-Park C-Chanyeol?!”

The idol smiles, boyish and handsome, just like the way Baekhyun loves it.

“Yep, that’s me. What are you doing here, sleeping on the cold floor?”

Baekhyun is going to faint. My god, please slap some senses into him. He must be dreaming, no? Park Chanyeol is right here in front of him? Talking to him? Focusing his attention on him? Like, seriously?

“Hello?” The idol waves his hand in front of his face. Baekhyun flinches and gulps, “I… I didn’t sleep. I was- was just, uh,”

The idol grins at him. “Was just sleeping? I saw you, don’t lie.” He fakes a frown. Baekhyun quickly shakes his palms. “I- I didn’t lie! I was just resting here and I didn’t know when did I fall asleep but then I must really had fallen asleep because I didn’t remember anything and I just woke up from your voices and I swear I didn’t lie about anything because I would never-”

He hears a laugh, so refreshing and loud and free, coming from Park Chanyeol.

“My goodness, you are so cute.” The idol wipes the tears from his eyes, “Get up, get up. I don’t want my fan to freeze here.”

Baekhyun clutches onto his scarf. How does he know he is a fan?

Park Chanyeol gives him a knowing smile. “You are having my goodies.” He points out to the scattered pamphlet and hand banner.

Baekhyun feels his face burns and he curls into himself a little bit more. The idol chuckles and rises up, “Come on, get up. I will take you outside.”

Not wanting to make his idol wait even more, Baekhyun rushes to rise up and topples over a bit, but then regains his footing back. He gives an awkward shy smile to the idol, feeling so embarrassed in front of the man.

Park Chanyeol walks him out of the venue, then asking, “What’s your name?”

“B-Baekhyun.” He stutters, squeaking in a small voice.

The night breeze blows and ceremoniously brings shiver down his whole shaking body. He really wish that time could stop for now so he can spend more time with his idol. It’s his only wish for now but then fortune is not on his side because he hears someone is calling for the idol’s name.

“I- I will get going now!” He squeaks out, bowing repeatedly to the idol to thank him and then he rushes away to avoid being seen by someone else, because the idol’s reputation could be ruined if he is seen like this.

He doesn’t seem to realize that in his quick movement, his fan club member card slips out of his pocket and drops down to the ground.

 

 

 

Park Chanyeol stares at his boy fan running away from him. A chuckle leaves past his lips as he shakes his head at how the boy is acting. His eyes then catch something on the ground, just a foot away from where he is standing.

He picks it up and finds himself grinning at the display of the fan club member card and without thinking twice, he puts it into the back pocket of his jeans, before he walks back to find his manager.

 

 

***

 

 

Life goes as the usual way for Baekhyun after that mini fan meeting and that quick meet up with his idol. He attends his classes, sweet talks to Jongdae so he can copy his assignment, stealing the cookies from Kyungsoo’s lunch tray, and continuing his support for Park Chanyeol.

One would never believe it if he tells them he met Park Chanyeol and has quite a short conversation with him. But actually it’s better that no one knows, so it can be Baekhyun’s own little secret which he will treasure the most in his heart.

Halfway through the twentieth day after meeting with his idol, Baekhyun gets the surprise of his life.

His phone rings as he has just finished returning a borrowed book to the library and is now heading back to his dorm. The caller ID is empty, meaning it’s coming from a stranger and someone who he surely doesn’t know, so he is pretty hesitant to answer it.

The call ends while he contemplates between answering it or not. Before he could even sigh in relief, the same numbers call him again and Baekhyun thinks _screw it_.

“Hello?” He mutters into his phone, frowning when he doesn’t hear any response. Is it an error in communication or in the signal?

“Hello, is this Baekhyun?”

His frown gets deeper. Who is it and how do they know his name? And why is the voice does not sound so foreign?

“Yes? Who is this?” He carefully asks.

There is a chuckle. “Don’t you know my voice?”

Baekhyun huffs. “If you are trying to prank me, then tell Jongdae that he can go to the movie premiere alone.”

The caller laughs loudly and Baekhyun purses his lips. The voice really sounds so familiar, but he can’t put any name on it.

“I don’t know any Jongdae.” The person says, still chuckling.

Baekhyun is this close from hanging up, “If you are that last pizza delivery boy then-”

“You really don’t know my voice?”

“I’m sorry but how am I supposed to know who you are mister-”

“You are not a real fan of mine then.” The person says and Baekhyun finds himself blinking in confusion. Fan who? Real fan who? You who?

“What the hell are you talking about?” He grunts lowly, not wanting to curse in the middle of the street.

“Think, Baekhyun. I have given you the most crucial hint. Should I start singing too so you can finally recognize who I am?”

Sing? Fan? Who the hel—

“Eeecckkk!!” He shrieks, covering his mouth almost immediately before he can splutter the sacred name that he has been keeping in the deepest part of his heart, mind, and soul.

The loud laugh coming from the other line is now more recognizable and Baekhyun trembles in shock. Is this… is this really happening?

“…what?” He whispers, eyes glancing left and right in panic that people might know who he is actually talking to.

That chuckle, resounding in his ear is so melodic. Baekhyun knows him, he knows him way too well.

“O-Oh my god,” Baekhyun whispers in disbelief, then he hurriedly walks back to his dorm, because he only needs around a few more meters. If he can manage to enter his dorm room before the call ends, then he can scream all he wants.

The door slams shut right behind his back and his fingers quickly locks it. The person is still waiting for him to regain himself back, sometimes chuckling and laughing lightly when Baekhyun’s whining and panting is heard.

“You alone now?” The person asks and Baekhyun nods his head, almost forgetting that the caller can’t see him at all, “Y-Yes!!”

“So. You recognize my voice, don’t you?”

“Yes- oh my God… are you- are you really P-Park Chanyeol??” He whispers the name softly, afraid that people might hear him when in fact he is actually alone.

A chuckle and then an answer. “Yeah.”

“My God!” Baekhyun throws his phone to the bed and then he grabs his pillow, stuffing it to his face so he can muffle his scream. He must be dreaming! How… how come his favorite idol is calling him?

Then he hurriedly grabs his phone back, listening to the one and only Park Chanyeol laughing. “Is- is this a secret camera? Are you in a show that requires you to give a call to your fans?”

“No, no,” that chuckle again, Baekhyun is weak with that, “I got your number from the fan club website.”

“How did you know my identification number to even find me?!” Baekhyun shrieks because he needs answers for every single question he has in his head. This is still way too unbelievable for him to wrap his head around it.

“You dropped your fan club membership card that last time.” The idol answers simply and Baekhyun slaps a hand over his forehead. “I’m so stupid…” He mutters lowly, more to himself, but the idol seems to hear it and then the laughs loudly.

The voice brings utter happiness to Baekhyun’s heart. If only he can listen to this voice over and over again for a long time…

“…oh my God, wait. W-what- I mean, uh, why are you calling… me?” He stutters, finally realizing why would his favorite person, the famous idol and singer, call him personally??

There is a moment of silent coming from the idol and Baekhyun starts to feel cold sweat to break through his skin. Oh God, did he say something wrong?

“I’m not sure actually,” the famous idol starts ever so slowly, “but I would like to know what’s something special in you that has me calling you personally, behind my manager’s back.”

Baekhyun is left startled at the straightforward words, feeling his heart slowly skipping a beat and then thumping faster than the normal pace.

“I… I, uh,” he is at lost for words.

The idol chuckles. “What do you think about meeting up with me? In private of course, no one can know about this.”

Baekhyun is too quick to nod his head and then he shouts a ‘yes!’ before his brain can stop him from acting so ridiculously.

And that’s when Baekhyun is clueless that his life is about to be turned upside down.

 

 

 

 

 

Their first meeting is kinda quick and awkward. Baekhyun doesn’t know how to dress himself for the magical secret meeting with his favorite idol, and he spends about six hours trying his clothes on him, which consist of (mostly) oversized hoodie and ripped jeans.

It takes places in a private and secluded café, exclusively for rich people. Baekhyun is wary that he might have gotten the wrong place but when the waitress asks for his name, he is in the list and then he is led towards a special booth.

Too magical to be true, Baekhyun indeed finds Park Chanyeol sitting there in the booth, obviously waiting for him.

The idol smiles at him and Baekhyun thinks he might faint… no, no, don’t faint.

“You make it.” Park Chanyeol says, grinning boyishly, added with that snapback and the colorful jacket and those thick spectacles sitting on top of his nose.

Baekhyun makes a stuttering response out of his mouth.

Simple to say, it’s just a meeting to introduce themselves (mostly Baekhyun towards the idol, because he practically knows everything about the idol already). They are on the first name basis (courtesy of the idol’s demand) and it’s easy to say that the idol is fond of him. Not to be that person but yes, Baekhyun is sure Chanyeol is fond of him.

“You are so cute.” Chanyeol says, his chin propped against his palm, when Baekhyun slurps onto his orange juice. Obviously, Baekhyun’s face is flushed in pink and he glances away.

“I-I’m not.” He murmurs, mouth jutting out.

Despite of them having the gap of an idol and a fan, Baekhyun can’t deny that Chanyeol has this charming aura and that the idol can make just anyone enjoys being around him even after a short time. The idol doesn’t mention that much about him being famous and Baekhyun doesn’t either, too nervous to even bring out the topic of him collecting every single one of the other’s albums.

Chanyeol is easygoing and he talks a lot too, entertaining Baekhyun like a true idol he is.

“So,” Chanyeol says when their secret meeting is about to end, “we are friends?”

Baekhyun stutters a hiccupped ‘yes’ that makes Chanyeol throws his head back, laughing loudly at him.

The sight brings utter warmth to Baekhyun.

 

 

 

 

 

Friends or not, Baekhyun is still the most loyal fan of the idol. He now can easily attend the idol’s event, concert, or fan meeting, because Chanyeol sends him the ticket without asking him. Baekhyun is too shocked and too happy to even think about it.

They meet up in secret places, obviously, and on each time they manage to meet one another, Baekhyun discovers another one of Chanyeol’s charms, that makes him fall in love even more and more.

People might not like it if they know that Chanyeol has been meeting with a mere boy fan like him, moreover if they know about how much in love Baekhyun is with the idol.

Chanyeol often takes him out to expensive meals in exclusive restaurants or cafés, giving him little gifts (that are way too expensive for Baekhyun), offering to fetch him from him from his college, and nowadays, he has been taking Baekhyun to his private apartment.

Baekhyun can’t even close his mouth the first time he steps his foot into the apartment. It’s seriously just like a dream, being able to befriend an idol he loves so much, and now stepping into the personal place the idol owns. He can’t believe his luck and he might consider this as a dream, but when Chanyeol pats him on his back and tells him to feel at home, Baekhyun realizes that this is indeed the reality.

No one has ever told him that he would be the luckiest boy ever to have the chance of sitting on the fluffy couch the idol owns. He even gets the chance to share a meal with Chanyeol, entering his bedroom which smells a lot like him, and even gets to be (kinda) cuddled by the famous singer.

No one has ever told him that falling in love is a dangerous feeling, consuming your mind, heart, and soul, and dragging you deep into the hell hole, because there is no turning back for him. It’s practically impossible to be with Chanyeol in any way, so it really is ridiculous for him to develop some kind of crush on the other male, moreover to really fall in love with him.

No one has ever told him about how to get out of this circle of impossibility, and Baekhyun does realize that he has already fallen way too deep; fallen for Chanyeol’s crinkling eyes, for his loud laughter, for his gentle manners, for his ability to cook, for his sincerity in music, and for how he treats Baekhyun as if he is worth of something. As if Baekhyun is not only a mere fan, but a friend and something else that Baekhyun can’t translate from how he finds Chanyeol staring at him.

No one has ever told him all those important things but actually, Baekhyun is way too deep to even think about going out of it.

 

 

 

 

 

“Earth to Baekhyun.” Chanyeol flicks his fingers in front of his face and Baekhyun flinches, almost tipping the cup in his hand. The idol grins and takes the cup away from him, putting it back to the coffee table and then gently holding Baekhyun’s wrist in a gentle grip.

“Are you even listening to me?” The idol asks and Baekhyun finds himself drowning into those deep brown eyes, so sincere and so beautiful.

“Hey.” Chanyeol pokes his cheek. Baekhyun yelps. “Yes, yes! I’m sorry for s-spacing out! What were you saying again?”

Chanyeol laughs softly. “I was saying about a new song I composed. It’s for my comeback next month.”

Baekhyun gasps. “You will have a sudden comeback? My God, I’m so excited to listen to that!”

The idol traces a thumb over the veins on his wrist. “Would you like to listen to it?”

Baekhyun’s smile drops. “What?” He blinks. Does he hear it wrong? He might be hallucinating—oh wait, he is not, because Chanyeol is nodding, giving him a smile.

“I want you to be the first person to listen to it and to give me a true judgment.”

“I-I want to but- uh, I don’t think I can judge you, uhm,” he trails off and Chanyeol chuckles. “Come with me.” He says, rising up from the couch and tugging onto Baekhyun’s wrist to signal him to follow his pace. As if he is in a trance, Baekhyun follows.

It’s his first time entering Chanyeol’s private studio and everything awes him. All the various music instruments, the room which he has always seen from when Chanyeol is doing a live stream, it’s all now in front of his very own eyes.

“Come sit here.” Chanyeol pats onto the empty spot beside the chair he is already seated on. Baekhyun obeys slowly, eyes still glancing here and there.

He doesn’t know when Chanyeol has started the newly composed song but when he hears the first tone of a piano, he snaps his head back and finds Chanyeol staring expectantly at him.

There is no word to describe how he is feeling. The song is so beautiful, with the slow piano notes starting in the beginning and then picking up the pace with some drums, and Baekhyun concludes that he loves everything about Chanyeol. His face, his smile, his voice, his laughter, his passion, his kindness, his honesty, his loyalty, everything about Chanyeol is so precious.

The song ends before he even realizes it. Baekhyun finds himself barely breathing, too blown away to even ruin such a beautiful song with the sound of his exhale.

“So… how was it?” Chanyeol asks slowly after quite a moment of silence, his fingers playing with the buttons.

Baekhyun gasps. “That was so beautiful. Oh my God, Chanyeol, I love it.” He breathes the words out as sincere as he could, because he wants Chanyeol to get his message that the song is very, very beautiful, and not only because he is a fan trying to get on his good side with compliments thrown to him.

“I love rock ballad. Chanyeol, you are so amazing.” Baekhyun whispers, smiling widely and unable to hide the excitement in his eyes. He feels giddy and all pumped up, can’t wait for the time for Chanyeol to drop this song all so suddenly and for the idol to hypnotize all of his fans like how he does towards Baekhyun.

“You mean it?” Chanyeol asks softly, smile slowly growing on his plump lips.

Baekhyun nods earnestly. “I mean it. I love it so much. Thank you for letting me listened to it, that was so precious. God, Chanyeol, whatever you do is so amazing! How come there is someone so perfect like you? I can’t believe it that you are letting me to—”

His words are cut off when suddenly the idol leans down, head tilted aside, and lips pressing a soft kiss on Baekhyun’s.

It might be a dream, no…?

Baekhyun holds his breathe when the idol leans away a bit but still maintaining the proximity between them. He can feel Chanyeol’s breathing against his cheek, can see the eyelashes resting on the apple of Chanyeol’s cheeks, can notice the dark circles under Chanyeol’s eyes.

Hiccup.

He presses his lips into a thin line, trying to hold his hiccup down. Chanyeo’s face breaks into a smile and then the idol laughs at him.

Baekhyun leans back quickly, covering his mouth with his palms. The idol watches him fondly, smiling and leaning forward to trap him.

“W-Why, why did you do t-t-that?” Baekhyun says, muffled against his palms.

Chanyeol chuckles and gently reaches for his hands, prying them away.

“Because you are so cute. I can’t help myself.”

Baekhyun glances away, his whole face flushing in red. The idol leans even closer and gives a kiss on the side of his temple, making Baekhyun confused of what is actually going on here.

“I like you.” Chanyeol whispers against his temple, leaving a lingering kiss there before diving away to look at his face.

Baekhyun can hear the erratic thumps of his heart in his ears. “E-Excuse me?!”

Chanyeol stifles a smile. “I like you, Baekhyun. Is it really that hard to believe it?”

“Of course!” Baekhyun frowns and continues, “You liking me? That could only happen in my dreams and—”

Chanyeol pecks his mouth again, silencing him almost immediately. “So you dreamed of me? A lot?”

Baekhyun’s lips tremble, unable to come up with words, and then he is whining loudly. “S-Stop teasing me!” He squeaks, frowning even more despite the obvious redness all over his face. Chanyeol is having fun laughing at his reaction and Baekhyun has a mind of getting out of there to save himself from further embarrassment.

Except that Chanyeol throws his arms around him, pulling him flushed against him into a loose back hug. Baekhyun’s breathe hitches at the contact.

“I like you so much.” Chanyeol mutters against his shoulder, resting his chin there. Baekhyun feels his palms getting sweaty. “I really do like you, Baekhyun.”

The confession is making Baekhyun’s head spinning. “I… Chanyeol, I… I do like you too,” _love you even but I can’t say that_ , “but… I’m just a fan?”

Chanyeol slowly tightens his hold on him. “So what? Can’t I date a fan?”

“D-D-Date?!”

A chuckle resonates beside his ear. “Mmh. Would you like to date me?”

Baekhyun closes his eyes.

“…oh my God.” He murmurs.

Chanyeol hums questioningly and he answers with, “…I think I’m going to faint.”

The idol breaks into a loud laugh, hugging him closer and planting soft kisses all over his face, much to Baekhyun’s embarrassment.

 

 

 

 

 

It’s their first day as ‘boyfriends’. Gosh, thinking about that word is enough to make Baekhyun cringes, not in a bad way but exactly in excitement.

 This still feels like a dream and Baekhyun doesn’t want to wake up from it. Him being boyfriends with the Park Chanyeol? Him dating that perfect man? Jongdae would call him crazy if he ever finds out.

Sure, they have to date behind everyone’s back and it’s not an easy thing to do. They can’t go out in public, Baekhyun can’t hold Chanyeol’s hand in public, they can’t have a cute date like everyone else, and they can only date in secret and being locked in Chanyeol’s car or his luxurious apartment.

It’s okay, perfectly fine; Baekhyun thinks as he gets swooped up into another kiss that has his all limbs growing weak and his body tingling.

By the end of the day, it’s always Baekhyun who gets the most kisses from Chanyeol, listening to him telling about his busy day, exchanging cute little texts with him, getting cuddled most of the time.

 

 

 

 

 

“Hey, how was your exam?” Chanyeol asks as soon as he enters the idol’s apartment, immediately getting a kiss as a welcome. Baekhyun smiles shyly, still not getting used to this magical treatment even after a few months of them being in a relationship.

“It was not so good,” he mumbles, licking his lips from the taste of cream pie, obviously coming from Chanyeol.

The idol frowns. “Why so? Was it hard?”

Baekhyun lets himself being pulled into a hug, just standing still while Chanyeol hugs him close. There is a kiss on his head and he secretly smiles at that.

“It was. I kind of forgot whatever I studied last night.”

Chanyeol drags him to the couch so the idol can cuddle him. Baekhyun drops his bag and falls to the couch, right into the idol’s arms and then there is only warmth that he feels. Only warmth, comfortable warmth.

“That’s okay.” Chanyeol says, patting his back gently. “You are doing very well.”

Baekhyun tilts his head up and grins. “Thank you.”

Chanyeol coos and holds a hand over his cheek, slowly leaning down so their lips can meet. Baekhyun stifles a smile and purses his mouth forward. The idol mimics his smile and then they are laughing together, not really sure what’s so funny about it.

“Aren’t you hungry?” Baekhyun whispers a question, afraid of talking too loud and ruining the calm atmosphere around them.

Chanyeol shakes his head. “No. Are you?”

He shakes his head no as well and then Chanyeol grins boyishly, just like Baekhyun loves the most, and whispers, “Then let’s just kiss until we fall asleep.”

Baekhyun laughs, “Don’t kid me—mmhp.” Chanyeol smacks his lips against his, with those beautiful eyes glinting in amusement.

“I’m not kidding. Here I come.” He says, before pulling Baekhyun towards him so they can kiss, again and again.

Baekhyun flushes in pink but still relents to whatever his boyfriend is saying. Who is he to refuse kisses from Chanyeol anyway? Certainly not him, so he wraps his hands around the idol’s waist while the other cups his face with his big palms.

“You are so cute,” Chanyeol whispers in between the kisses, his tongue darting out to lick the seam of Baekhyun’s upper lip. The move itself has Baekhyun blushing and it takes only a mere second for Chanyeol to coax Baekhyun’s mouth open for an entrance.

So far in their relationship, they have tried a lot of things together. It’s romantic and exciting that Baekhyun can experience all those with the love of his life. Everything still feels like a dream to him, and sometimes he thinks he might wake up one day and find all of this is just a part of his imagination; but then Chanyeol’s warm hands are holding onto the side of his neck, angling his head up so he can kiss him deeper, a gentle reminder that right now is the reality.

A breathy and shaky noise slips past his mouth, alerting himself at how weird it sounds. Baekhyun reluctantly pulls back, withdrawing his tongue from Chanyeol’s sensual dance with it, and his hands come up to cover his mouth.

The idol looks breathless, panting and confused.

“What’s wrong?” Chanyeol asks, frowning and reaching to drop his hands covering his mouth.

Baekhyun is flushing red by now, his lips completely swollen, and he shakes his head.

“Uh,” he whispers lowly, feeling embarrassed that he has a fleeting thought of him and Chanyeol doing something more than they already have.

The idol tilts his head up, “Tell me. What’s wrong? Do you not like it?”

Quickly shaking his head so Chanyeol won’t misunderstand it, he gulps. “I… I like it, but… uh,” he pauses, stealing a glance to his waiting boyfriend who urges him to continue his words, “Um, I made a weird sound.”

There he said it. He waits for Chanyeol’s reaction and to his surprise, the idol laughs loudly.

“You cute little one. Baby, stop being cute for a second.” Chanyeol says fondly, pinching his blushing cheeks. Baekhyun huffs and puffs his cheeks so the other can’t pinch them anymore, but then Chanyeol flattens his cheeks with his palms and makes his lips pursed forward like a duck.

Baekhyun pouts and then idol giggles unmanly, reaching forward to leave smooches on his lips with excessive noises.

“Do you have any class tomorrow?” Chanyeol asks, holding his cheeks gently. Baekhyun shakes his head no, and the other grins. “Want to sleep over?”

He blinks, “I thought you have a radio interview tomorrow?”

Chanyeol grins. “As expected of my biggest fan, always capable of keeping up with my schedule.” He says, kissing his nose. Baekhyun flushes, “I- I mean, it’s all written in the website!” He tries to defend himself, but Chanyeol is having none of it.

“I was supposed to have a radio interview tomorrow, but something came up and the producers called the manager. It will be postponed until next week. So, sleepover?”

Baekhyun ponders over the offer and maybe he can just call Jongdae and lie a bit about it.

“Okay.” He says and is immediately tackled into a hug. He laughs and tries to push Chanyeol away but the idol won’t let him go.

“Come on, neither of us is angry so we can just head to bed right now.”

Baekhyun whines about wanting to shower and all, so in the end he gets a spare hoodie owned by Chanyeol and a pair of sweatpants twice his size.

All warm and cuddled in the bed, Baekhyun shrieks when Chanyeol spoons him and even slips his hands under the hoodie, resting his palms against his stomach.

“Your hands are cold!” He whines, trying to push those hands out of his hoodie but Chanyeol ignores him, even bringing his hands higher up.

Baekhyun lets out a surprised gasp when one hand accidentally graces over his unsuspected nipple. He slaps a hand over his mouth, because there goes another weird noise.

Chanyeol stays still for a moment, before then the idol pulls him back completely flushed against his chest. There is a kiss on his ear and then also a whisper, “Do you trust me, Baekhyun?”

Startled with the sudden question that is so unexpected, he glances back through his shoulder, finding Chanyeol staring down at him with such gaze that is so dark and deep. Without thinking much about it, Baekhyun nods his head, and almost immediately being brought into a deep kiss that steals his breath away.

He finds himself gripping onto Chanyeol’s arms around him, and then somehow he is lying on his back, with his boyfriend towering over him. Chanyeol’s palms cage him on each side of his head, bracing the other up with his palms dipping into the bed.

Chanyeol leans down, brushing their lips together in a soft kiss, before whispering, “Do you trust me if I tell you I’m in love with you?”

Baekhyun’s eyes snap open. What?

Unable to form any word, Chanyeol smiles and pecks his mouth over and over again.

“Is it really that hard to believe?” He asks again, pressing a kiss on his cheek this time. Baekhyun grips onto his hoodie, glancing away in embarrassment. “It- It is…”

Chanyeol tilts his head aside. “Why so?”

Baekhyun stutters out, “It’s actually so u-unbelievable that you even liked me, when it’s always me who like you the most since years ago! And then we are… b-b-boyfriends and uh, you said you l-love me, it’s just- just so unexpected because it has always been me being in love with yo—”

He shuts his mouth almost immediately after realizing that he lets out his secret. Chanyeol is grinning widely. “You are in love with me already?”

Baekhyun is flushing red, on the verge of exploding. He wants to deny it but the look in Chanyeol’s eyes tells him that the other won’t believe him even if he lies about it. So he nods his head.

Chanyeol laughs heartedly, so full of fondness. Baekhyun lies there under him, not knowing what to do or say.

The idol then lowers himself down, nudging their nose together gently. “I’m so glad that it’s no longer one sided now.” He says.

Baekhyun feels his lips tremble and then a relieved sigh escapes from his lips, followed by one tear that drops from his eyes. Why is he crying, he himself doesn’t know.

“Hey, I don’t want you to cry.” Chanyeol frowns, kissing his eye. Baekhyun smiles shyly and takes a grip onto the idol’s shirt. “I’m just so, so happy. You make me very happy, Chanyeol. Thank you.”

Chanyeol smiles in amusement and then leans down to kiss him. Baekhyun welcomes him almost immediately, drowning too deep in this feeling of love they share together. Their lips part, their tongues meet, and then Chanyeol’s hands caress his side gently.

He feels lips moving down to his jaw and then to his neck, giving soft kisses which slowly turn into nips, rendering him boneless. There is a hushed question coming from Chanyeol, about them and about everything they are feeling right now, and it only takes one nod from Baekhyun for the other to pull the hoodie out of his head.

In the midst of the cold night, Baekhyun clutches onto the Chanyeol’s shoulder, breathing raggedly as they dance together in a dance with the rhythm that only they can create. There are noises of their breathing and whispered names as their only music. Their lips meet again, swollen mouth too greedy to even rest and wanting for more and more.

They indulge in the warmness of all; of their heated embrace, of their intertwined limbs together, of this proximity that they hold, of how they have bared all the feelings without keeping anymore secrets.

In between the gentle caresses of Chanyeol’s hands all over his flushed skin, Baekhyun catches the look of fondness and pure love flashing through Chanyeol’s eyes, completely mirroring his own. His lips curl into a smile, one that tells the world of how happy he is, and then Chanyeol is swallowing that smile into his own.

By the end of the night, Baekhyun has finally understood of how a true love means. With Chanyeol’s arms surrounding him and then hushed whispers of his name and the word of ‘love’ mixed together, they reach the highest point of euphoria, and that’s the moment Baekhyun thinks he can’t love anyone else besides Chanyeol.

 

 

 

 

 

Love is so unpredictable. It can make Baekhyun goes all giddy just over one simple text and then he can also go all gloomy at the lack of response.

Chanyeol’s popularity is increasing so greatly nowadays. As a boyfriend, Baekhyun is truly happy to learn about it, but he dislikes the lack of news from the idol. It makes him completely worried, makes him want to visit the idol’s apartment so he can check on him, but then again he realizes that he can’t be selfish. Someone might see him coming to Chanyeol’s place and it won’t do good for his boyfriend.

Due to his sudden increase of popularity, Chanyeol even manages to do a world tour concert, which needs him to be mostly overseas than staying here. As a devoted boyfriend, Baekhyun can only watch the news and support the other, because he is really proud that Chanyeol can reach this moment.

But as a ‘childish’ boyfriend, he just wants to have Chanyeol all for himself.

Then again, Baekhyun can’t say anything else other than to send a text of ‘Okay, take care. I will miss you’ to Chanyeol who is heading out of Asia for his world tour concert. It’s so fulfilling to know that his boyfriend has reached this far in his career, becoming the superstar he has always wished to be, and now on the journey to let the whole world listen to his touching and sincere music.

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun is trying to focus on his college and assignments, for the final exam is coming up soon, and also to use it as a distraction so he doesn’t miss Chanyeol that much. Jongdae is still the best roommate ever and Kyungsoo is still the best guy he enjoys to annoy daily. Even though something is lacking in his heart, Baekhyun tries not to pay too much attention to it.

For the whole three months of Chanyeol being out of Asia, Baekhyun has gotten a total of ten texts with the same words around the idol’s exhaustion, excitement of going to other country, and missing him. That makes Baekhyun smiles despite all the worry of his boyfriend not getting the needed rest, putting his heart at ease to know that it’s not only him who is missing his boyfriend.

In another month, Chanyeol has finally finished his world tour concert and is coming back home. Baekhyun is being giddy for the whole day of Chanyeol’s arrival and Jongdae raises an eyebrow at his act.

Soon enough after he glances to the clock, he thinks Chanyeol must be already in home by this time, so he rushes to pack his assignments and flies out of his dorm, much to Jongdae’s amusement. His roommate is having guesses of him having a boyfriend somewhere but never pushes him to spill him the story and Baekhyun is thankful for that.

He knocks onto the door to Chanyeol’s apartment so urgently, the need to see his boyfriend is too big. When knocks don’t work, he goes for ringing the bell too, and it takes around ten more minutes until Chanyeol’s annoyed and tired face appears.

“Wha- Baekhyun?” He sounds so surprised, as if he doesn’t expect him to come visiting him at this hour.

“Hi.” Baekhyun greets him, smiling widely.

After being ushered in, Baekhyun is waiting for that kiss he misses the most, yet Chanyeol only drags him to his bedroom. Once inside, he is being engulfed into the warm hug that he has been dying to get.

“I miss you.” Chanyeol says, “I thought it was my manager earlier. Sorry about that.”

Baekhyun shakes his head, stuffing his face into his boyfriend’s shoulder and smelling the freshly showered scent. “I’m sure you are tired. I shouldn’t come this late but I just missed you so much.”

Chanyeol pulls him to the bed and they lie down together, just simply stare at one another.

At one time in between the soft kisses and the whispers of ‘miss you’, Chanyeol lets out the biggest yawn and then his eyes slowly blink, trying to stay open. Baekhyun smiles and reaches to caress his head.

“Just sleep. You must be so tired.”

“But you are here with me,” Chanyeol mutters, too drowsy to keep his eyes open, moreover with Baekhyun’s caresses on his head.

“Just sleep.” Baekhyun whispers, reaching to kiss his forehead. Chanyeol falls asleep right away, his exhaustion clearly seen on his face. He stays for quite a while to just stare at his boyfriend and then leaves an hour later, so no one can see him.

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol’s newest schedule is filming for a new drama.

Baekhyun is not really thrilled that it’s a romance comedy plotline, but there is nothing he can do to stop it. The opportunity will bring much more popularity for Chanyeol.

The filming takes most of Chanyeol’s time, making it hard for them to actually communicate in anyway. It’s a rare chance for Baekhyun to be able to visit Chanyeol in his apartment, because whenever he thinks about how tired his boyfriend or how there will be someone seeing him, he holds back the urge.

The actress who plays as Chanyeol’s love line partner is a top class actress who is so beautiful. Baekhyun gulps as he watches the teaser for the drama, seeing her all over Chanyeol and how _good_ the two actually look together. He gazes down to his hoodie-clad body and then shivers at how unfair life is.

Despite him filming for his drama, Chanyeol has also announced his comeback in a few more months, and this album is fully his own produced songs. That only means that Chanyeol’s time is spent in the filming site and in his music studio, which also means that Baekhyun can’t even think of visiting him or calling him, because his boyfriend will be surrounded by so many people and they wouldn’t want to risk it.

He understands, this is the risk of dating an idol, a famous one on top of that. But really, how long can Baekhyun hold back this patience though?

Days after days, their phone calls have limited to one in every two weeks, the frequent text messages reduce down to three a week. There is no more visiting Baekhyun in the college with his personal car and there is no more Baekhyun knocking at the wee hours to Chanyeol’s apartment just because he wants to see him.

As a devoted boyfriend, again, Baekhyun understands the situation and he keeps his silence. Nothing he says can change the fact that Chanyeol is very busy with his works.

But…

Their relationship is straining.

He can feel it; it’s barely there. The thin thread connecting him to Chanyeol is only a mere thread, it can be cut right away in any second. And it scares him that he can’t even contact his own boyfriend without being afraid that someone might notice about them.

He hasn’t met Chanyeol for so many months, starting from that last time they spent together with Chanyeol telling him that he would be starting a drama filming. It was even a mere quick meet up that consisted of one quick stolen peck on the cheek, a brief hug that didn’t have any feeling, and some hushed whispers about him needing to go soon.

Now the drama filming has finally over and the new album is released last week, Baekhyun thinks maybe, just maybe, he can meet his boyfriend again and celebrate the success of his filming and album.

But really, he could barely text him without getting one back, how would he be able to see him?

He doesn’t want to disturb Chanyeol’s life or become a demanding boyfriend, but as he watches how handsome his boyfriend is in the new drama, he can’t help but missing him way more than before.

Nothing can stop his tears when he watches Chanyeol kissing the female lead in the drama, so passionately and so sincere, as if he really does love her. Jongdae teases him about crying over a drama and Baekhyun keeps his mouth shut, smiling to his roommate and saying, “Yes, the love of my life is kissing someone else without my permission!” in which Jongdae laughs at.

His roommate just doesn’t hear the sound of his heart cracking.

 

 

 

 

 

The more popular someone, the more scandals they have.

Breaking news deliver that Park Chanyeol might be dating the female lead of the drama he is starring at. There is a photo of him being caught going out together in the late night, even as far as hugging one another in the middle of night street.

Baekhyun closes the tab of the news and sighs. His heart feels numbed, there are no more tears left for him to shed.

Could it be that Chanyeol is indeed in a relationship with that woman? Could he be forgetting about Baekhyun’s presence after so many months of them not contacting each other? Could it be that all of these assumptions are true and that this is the last state of their relationship?

Baekhyun is not the most unconfident person in the world, but right at this time, he can feel nothing except the lack of confident itself. Nothing in him is special and it’s actually something that is needed to be questioned about how Chanyeol would even want to date someone like him.

He stares at the ring, a promise ring that Chanyeol gave him a week after they spent their first passionate night together. It’s a simple ring that doesn’t hold that heavy meaning, such as a promise of marriage or what; it’s just something that Chanyeol gave him and told him that it would serve as a substitute whenever he might be missing him.

A loud, tired sigh slips past Baekhyun’s mouth as he fingers at the ring hanging through the necklace around his neck. He doesn’t want to lose it as it’s such an important thing for him so he chooses to keep it as a necklace, keeping it close to his heart. Chanyeol wears the same ring on his finger, as an idol being spotted using rings is just a casual thing so no one would be suspicious about it.

The ring that used to be so precious to him, now feels so heavy and burdening. Baekhyun doesn’t know how a single tiny thing can make him feels so many emotions at the same time, but as he keeps staring at the ring, he can’t shake the thought of Chanyeol away and about how much he misses the other.

Baekhyun reaches for his phone, unlocking the devices, and goes straight to the text messages. He has so many drafts unsent to his boyfriend, too scared that he might be bothering the other or to have his manager find out about them.

But then again, Chanyeol seems to be free enough to hang out with his coworkers.

He types a quick, ‘I miss you. Can we talk?’ and the presses the send button before he can even change his mind again.

He waits. He waits and waits, until the sky turns shades darker and until the stars and the moon are high in the night sky. There is no reply and no call either. There is just no response, and that’s when Baekhyun finally lets the first tear to roll down his face.

Nothing can stop him tonight. He just wants to cry his eyes out.

 

 

 

 

 

College serves as the best distraction for him, moreover the exams.

Baekhyun busies himself, indulging into books after books, trying to keep his mind away from unnecessary things. Jongdae and Kyungsoo are helping him to catch up with the lessons he doesn’t really understand and they have formed quite a tight bond of friendship with one another.

The exams come pretty quickly and Baekhyun wakes up in the early morning, doing quick review of the lesson, and then goes to fill all the blanks in the papers. He goes to the library once the exam for the day is over, studying some more for the next exam, and buying some smoothies and muffins from the bakery to keep him away from hunger.

And it repeats. Exams do serve as the best distraction that Baekhyun has ever had.

Once exams are over, he doesn’t know what to do. The last papers are turned in to the teacher and then everything just feels so empty. Jongdae is out for a meet up with his mother and Kyungsoo is out doing something he doesn’t know. He is all alone and with a loud sigh, he throws the sling back over his shoulder and drags his feet out of the college building.

Halfway through his walk back to his dorm, his phone rings that special ringtone he put, and he doesn’t lie when he says that his heart skips a beat at the tone. With shaky hand, he rummages into his pocket and finds that he is not imagining things.

It’s Chanyeol’s name on the display, calling him, in this darkening evening.

He gulps and brings the phone close to his ear.

“Hey,” Chanyeol’s voice is heard, low and gentle just like he remembers it. Baekhyun holds his breathe when he hears the words of, “I’m here. Can you find my car?”

He snaps his head up, glancing here and there for the parked cars along the street, and finally finds that familiar one.

“You do.” Chanyeol says silently. “Get in, Baekhyun.”

He wants to curse himself for being so weak, but his legs bring him closer to the car and his hands reach for the door. The inside of the car is dark, just like usual, the smell is so fragrant with the strong scent of Chanyeol’s manly cologne.

Their eyes meet for the first time in so many months and Baekhyun can feel himself trembling.

“Hey there.” Chanyeol gives him one straight smile.

 

 

 

 

 

As per usual, Chanyeol takes him all around the town, driving aimlessly and just spending the ticking seconds doing nothing. If it’s the previous dates, they would already talk so many things about their days, stealing kisses when the car slowed down, or holding hands just because they wanted to.

But now… there is nothing close to it. They can spend hours driving around the town over and over again, but no matter how long they spend their time together today, it doesn’t feel meaningful.

The traffic lights blink before cars drive away after the red light is over. It’s already reaching the midnight; almost everyone is sleeping in their own respective house.

But not for Baekhyun.

The night is cold, the breeze is seeping into his skin and despite him being cooped up in an expensive car with warm heater, he doesn’t feel warm at all. Everything just feels numbed.

What’s the use of being warmed inside this car with tinted windows, being hidden from the whole world, and having the personal space when in reality, nothing just feels right? It’s like a ticking bomb; the tension between the two of them.

Baekhyun keeps his gaze out of the window as the car drives into the familiar area of his dorm, which means the time is indeed ticking, almost running out. And the problem is not yet solved.

There are soft thuds of fingers tapping onto the steering wheel, tensed and anxious, yet Baekhyun doesn’t even pay much attention to that. He is too numbed already, he doesn’t know what to feel right now.

When the car slows down a few blocks away from his dorm, Baekhyun knows that the impending doom is coming right up.

It’s always like this: far from people’s eyes and hidden deep in the corner of darkness.

It was once exciting, was once so lovely, so thrilling, but now it’s all just empty masks to hide.

A few minutes pass without Baekhyun saying anything and he knows the man sitting on the driver seat is running out of his patience too. He hears a sigh, and then like usual, a hand reaches for his. The touch is warm, just like the usual as well, but Baekhyun has gone way too cold to even notice the warmness seeping through the simple act.

“Baekhyun, say something.” He hears the voice that he loves the most talking to him. Baekhyun glances out of the window, keeping his stare faraway.

What does he want him to say? I miss you? I love you? How are you?

He has said all those; multiple times until he loses the counts.

“I’m sorry but I was very busy.” The same old excuse.

“I hope you understand.” Still the same.

Baekhyun doesn’t know where the chuckle is bubbling out from, but it sounds so bitter that he can almost taste it on his tongue.

“Understand?” He whispers out, “Yes, of course. I always understand you. But do you do the same? Are you even trying, _Chanyeol_?”

There is stunned look flashing across the man’s whole face. Baekhyun hates acting like this, like he is the most selfish person in this whole world, but he can’t help it. He is desperate.

No answer, there is no answer given to him.

That silence is enough to bring the tears Baekhyun has been holding back for hours to finally crash down, dripping to his trembling fingers.

“Always, Chanyeol. I always understand you. Never for a second I don’t. But how about you? Are you doing the same? Are you trying to understand _me_?” He whispers, voice broken in the middle of it.

“It’s always a quick hidden meet up. It’s always one second kiss. It’s not even a long lasting embrace. Why is it always me who is trying? We make this relationship, Chanyeol. At least- at least _pretend_ that you are trying.”

Baekhyun takes a deep, shaky breathe and then he looks straight through his own tears-blurred stare, right into his supposedly _boyfriend_ ’s eyes, “It’s always _you_. I, too, want to be selfish for once. Can _I_?”

Chanyeol stares at him, his lips being kept in a thin line. “Baekhyun, I… I don’t understand—”

“Of course you don’t,” Baekhyun lets out yet another bitter chuckle, his hand wiping his tears away. “You are always too busy, Chanyeol.”

The idol frowns. “What do you mean by that?”

Baekhyun grits his teeth, feeling stressed to even keep this conversation going. “I mean what I mean, Chanyeol. You know how many texts I sent to you, how many calls I tried to reach you, how many times I wanted to visit you. Or maybe you are too busy with that pretty coworker of yours?”

“Baekhyun.” Chanyeol calls in a breathless tone, his eyes widening at the mention of it. Shocked? Who knows.

He shakes his head. “I’m tired. Very tired of all this, Chanyeol. I know the risk of dating someone so popular like you. There will be very little opportunities to meet up and we have to be very careful about everything. But I’m selfish. And I want you all for myself. I can’t keep saying I’m okay when actually I’m not?”

Chanyeol grips onto the steering wheel. “Baekhyun, please—”

“No, I don’t want this anymore.” Baekhyun whispers, shaking his head.

“What?”

“It was so lovely and I do love you, Chanyeol, but our time is running up and it’s time for us to break this straining relationship. Nothing works any longer, Chanyeol, I know you know it too. I have done my parts in trying, keeping the promises, trying to be sane, trying to hold this thin thread between us, but nothing seems to work anymore.”

He reaches for the ring hanging around his neck. “I want to be selfish but even by doing that, I get nothing from it.”

The ring is put back into Chanyeol’s palm and Baekhyun hiccups a sob.

“Let’s end this here.” He whispers, and then, “Goodbye.”

Without waiting for any response, Baekhyun climbs down the car and walks quickly away.

The biggest part in him tells him to keep walking and to never glance back, but the tiniest part in him wants Chanyeol to run after him, to stop him, and to tell him that they can try again to make it work.

Nothing comes.

No voice, no Chanyeol.

Baekhyun sobs and covers his mouth with his wrist, fastening his pace at the painful thought of Chanyeol not wanting to continue this as well, which is concluded as: the end of their relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

After making a promise to himself that he should forget about everything and save himself from further heartbreak, Baekhyun deletes every text, sent of drafted, deletes any number, any call logs, and just deletes everything.

Maybe it’s time for him to wake up, after spending so much time being drowned in this dream-like reality. Nothing can be hid from the public, moreover a secret relationship with someone so popular as an idol.

He even blocks that number; so that he himself won’t be making any impulsive decision in making a call to the person.

Jongdae notices his sudden drop of mood and decides to let him be for the whole three days, but then his roommate can’t take the tension anymore and finally sits him down on the bed, keeping a long eye contact with him. With Jongdae’s hands gripping onto his shoulder, his kind friend coaxes him to open up about his problem.

By the end of the day, Baekhyun has himself wrapped with Jongdae’s comforting arms. It takes a whole three hours for Jongdae to wrap his head around the fact that his roommate was dating a popular idol, and that they had just gotten a bad breakup from it.

Jongdae says that it’s okay, that nothing is any of his fault there, and that it’s perfectly fine to cry because every human has the right to cry.

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol must be so busy, he sure is, because he is on the highest peak of his career.

Baekhyun thinks he is okay, or maybe he is pretending to be okay, because what’s the use of him telling the whole world that he is not entirely okay? Nothing can change the fact that Chanyeol and him were over the moment he told the other those words back then.

He lives his life back, attending classes in college, working on assignments, struggling with his exams, and just trying to patch up his broken life. Maybe nothing can be changed from how he ended things with Chanyeol, but he has to change the life he is living on right now, because it’s very unhealthy for him to just being cooped up in his room and cry over so many things in his head.

It’s going pretty fine actually. He doesn’t cry that often anymore and Jongdae doesn’t have to make fun of himself anymore just to make him smile.

But eventually, he is still not perfectly okay.

With one news flashing in the television, announcing the name that Baekhyun used to anticipate the most, all the pretense he has been working on so greatly is now crumbling down again.

Chanyeol denies the relationship his coworker in the drama. The scandal was getting worse until the idol and his management have finally denied every rumor and put an end to the absurd discussion. Baekhyun would be lying if he says he is not the least of relieved to know the face, being silly like that.

Jongdae is already panicking about the sudden appearance of the news but before he could even think of grabbing the remote to change the channel, the live press conference version of Chanyeol is announcing that he is indeed in a relationship but instead of being with an artists, he tells the world that he is in a relationship with a normal citizen.

Baekhyun can see how Jongdae snaps his head towards him when they hear that. He doesn’t want to have his hope high, but he has to admit that his heart flutters when he hears that. Chanyeol might be introducing an entirely different person and not him, but he really can’t help the sudden skip of his heart.

The television beeps off and then he finds Jongdae is trying to distract him, with something about their dinner that includes pizza, garlic breads, and fruit smoothies. Baekhyun forces a smile and decides to humor Jongdae about the argument over which pizza they are going to order, while his brain is actually screaming to him to pay more attention about what if he and Chanyeol didn’t end. He ignores all those and just focuses on the way Jongdae almost dials the wrong delivery number.

The news are all reporting about it for a week straight. No one knows who the secret lover of Park Chanyeol and even everyone in the college has started to discuss about it. Baekhyun drags Jongdae by his arm and together they hurriedly leave for their dorm.

 

 

 

 

 

One night in the next two weeks, Baekhyun receives a phone call from some numbers he doesn’t recognize. It takes him a few minutes to decide whether he is going to answer or not, the call ends abruptly, yet it arrives again in no less than ten seconds.

 _Feels like déjà vu._ Baekhyun thinks.

“Hello?” He says, curious as to who would be calling him in the middle of the night.

“Baekhyun.”

The voice is so familiar yet so foreign that he has his breath held back in his throat. His head hurts and his heart starts beating out of control again, just because of a single call of his name from the man he is supposed to forget about.

Chanyeol is calling him.

It seems like forever when Baekhyun finally realizes how ragged his breathing is and how he is supposed to not accept the call. His finger hovers over the red end button when Chanyeol’s voice is heard.

“No, Baekhyun, please,” Chanyeol is heard begging, “Please don’t hang up.”

Baekhyun wants to cry again because even after all this time, Chanyeol still has the power over him that makes him stays and obeys to his small plea.

“Please. Just listen to me, please?”

He doesn’t know why his hands hold onto his phone as if it’s the most important thing right now, and why he goes to cuddle into his pillow, while letting silent tears running down to the side of his face as he listens to Chanyeol’s steady breathing from the other line.

“I love you.” Chanyeol says all so suddenly after quite a long time of silence.

Nothing can stop Baekhyun from letting the softest sob after that little confession that makes his heart flutters. Even after all this time, Chanyeol still has the biggest part of his heart.

“I’m so sorry about… that last time. I just… I know how selfish I was and I can’t deny that I had hurt you, Baekhyun. I just miss you and, and I just… I just love you.”

His hand goes up to cover his mouth because letting Chanyeol hear his ugly sobbing will be so humiliating.

“Can you please give me a second chance?” Chanyeol whispers in the softest voice ever. Baekhyun squeezes his eyes shut. He is this close from screaming a yes to the other but the conscious part in his brain stops him before he can do it.

“I will be better, I promise. I want you back, Baekhyun,”

In panic, Baekhyun’s fingers tremblingly try to tap the end button and then Chanyeol’s voice is no longer heard. A surge of relief runs through him after the call ends. Half of him is very elated to know that Chanyeol still loves him and still wants him, but another part of him is feeling too low and unable to believe all those words.

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol’s been calling him everyday, reciting the same words and sentences over and over again. And Baekhyun, he doesn’t know why he keeps accepting all those phone calls despite of him knowing that he would never answer back.

I love you, I miss you, I want you back, I’m sorry, please give me a chance; all of those coming from Chanyeol’s mouth sound so sincere. He would take Chanyeol back in a heartbeat if he can but… it’s not that simple.

It takes a whole month of Chanyeol saying all those without getting bored that finally Baekhyun lets out a weak response.

 

 

 

“Can we?” He whispers a soft response in between Chanyeol’s words of storytelling about his day in the recording room.

The idol stops talking right away, only his breathing is heard in the silent call. Baekhyun throws an arm over his eyes, too tired to even think about anything else. The thing about Chanyeol has been bugging him for so long and he can’t keep it in his head until now.

Chanyeol doesn’t say anything for a moment, trying to comprehend what he does mean with it, but then the idol whispers a soft answer of, “Yes, of course.”

Baekhyun curls onto his side, letting his phone stays a gap from him. Chanyeol’s voice is not as clear as the real one through the loudspeaker but it’s enough for him for now.

“You are famous, you are an idol. I’m no one.” He croaks softly, head turning from how the fact is so obvious.

Chanyeol takes a deep breath. “We can make it work. I will make it work, Baekhyun.”

There are words on the tip of his tongue, something along _it won’t work at all_ , but he holds them back and swallows. There is nothing else more than the urge to run back to Chanyeol’s awaiting arms and just hide there, but there are so many complications in his brain that he can think of.

“I’m too selfish, I should have been better. I couldn’t blame you when you were obviously—”

“That last time,” Chanyeol cuts him off, “that last time was entirely my fault. I neglected you and I took you for granted. I admitted that I was at fault, Baekhyun. You had been always so understanding towards me and I felt so bad about keeping you hanging for so long. But I swear that I didn’t cheat on you.”

Baekhyun slowly reaches for his phone and caresses the device. “I don’t know. I shouldn’t even say the words I said.”

“What we had done is done, Baekhyun. I can’t think of anything other than you. I love you so much, you mean the world to me. And to even think that I let you go without having you back after so long… it drives me crazy.”

He lets a very tiny smile curls on the tip of his lips.

“Why do you love me?” He finds himself whispering the question. Chanyeol must have noticed the change of his mood and the idol chuckles.

“It’s like you are asking me why I am breathing. Because I need it. Because I need _you_.”

 Baekhyun feels the slightest flush warming up his cheeks and he hides half of his face into the pillow. He wants to cuddle and he wants to kiss Chanyeol but it will seem like he is too easy.

Chanyeol waits for his response for quite some time and when none is coming, the idol mutters, “Please give me a chance, Baekhyun. I promise to redeem myself. I vow on my life that I will never ever let you down again.”

Baekhyun nibbles on his lip, feeling how his heart is picking up the peace and how his blood is rushing in excitement. There is nothing more than a yes that he would like to give to Chanyeol but,

“Please, baby,” Chanyeol’s pleading sounds so straining, “please give me a chance.”

Baekhyun brings his phone even closer so he can listen to it clearer. “Are you crying?”

Chanyeol takes a few seconds to answer, “…no.”

He smiles wider. “You are.”

The idol sniffs a bit. “Nope, definitely not.”

Baekhyun sighs fondly. “I would like to see your crying face.”

Chanyeol hums. “Do you want me to go there? I can knock on your door and let your roommate open the door for me.”

“Jongdae won’t let you enter.”

“Why not?”

“He… hates you with passion.” Baekhyun says softly. Chanyeol takes a sharp intake of breath. “Why would he hate me?”

“Because… because you broke me.” Baekhyun whispers softly, feeling his emotions mix all over again. Chanyeol sighs.

“That was my fault. I hope you can forgive me.” He mumbles lowly.

Baekhyun rises up from his bed and slowly goes out of his room, trying to find his roommate somewhere. Instead of a person, he finds a post-it note plastered on the fridge, courtesy of Jongdae and his unreadable writing.

_I’m out for a few hours! Family problem, urgent! Call me if you need something! And get some sleep, dummy!_

He thumbs the yellow note and bites on his lip.

“Chanyeol?” He whispers to the phone held against his ear.

“Yes, baby?”

The single pet name makes him flutters in delight, a familiar feeling that he wishes to feel again and again.

“Jongdae is currently out so… would you like to come over so we can discuss this further?”

Chanyeol is silent for three seconds before then he hears something thudding from the other line, followed by the idol’s curse of _shitty socks_ , and then comes an answer of,

“I’m coming back to you, baby. Wait for me.”

Baekhyun hears the softest whisper of I love you coming from Chanyeol, before the call ends in a gentle tone. His heart is beating out of control at the thought of seeing Chanyeol again and starting everything all over again. The first thing he wants to do once he sees the man is to hug him tightly and then maybe kiss him softly.

Yes, he will do that.

 

 

 

 

 

After spending a whole night together, whispering apologies and sweet nothings, Baekhyun wakes up in the arms of Chanyeol again, in his cramped dorm bed, and with a stern looking Jongdae on the foot of his bed. He cracks an awkward smile to his roommate and stealthily pulls the blanket to cover Chanyeol’s figure, something that he thinks might hide the man from Jongdae.

Apparently, the morning starts with Jongdae’s stern talk about trusting the same man again and then the morning ends with Chanyeol bonding up with Jongdae to win his trust.

 

 

 

Chanyeol starts to open up more about his secret relationship in the interviews he has with magazines and television shows. Public starts to question about the identity of his secret lover and while he has told them about some traits, he still wants to keep the identity hidden. For now.

Haters will always be there of course, but he pays them no mind about it. There are lots of supporters too who sincerely want him to be happy.

Slowly but steadily, he starts to give hints about his secret lover in the posts he uploads in his social media. Be it some sneaky photos of his back, his fingers, or a short clip of when they are out together and a few seconds of the sound of Baekhyun’s laughter.

Baekhyun tells him to not do that, but Chanyeol won’t even listen to him for this one. They want it or not, Chanyeol won’t be hiding Baekhyun’s identity for too long.

Fans have actually started to find out bits by bits of Baekhyun’s identity and whereabouts, as they are calculating things and doing some researches from Chanyeol’s posts. They make out Baekhyun’s figure from that one photo of Chanyeol’s, with Baekhyun being the one taking of the picture but still clearly seen on the reflection of the glass. Chanyeol’s quick departure after his schedules also makes some people follow him and they slowly find out about Baekhyun.

It’s scary for Baekhyun if he thinks about how people might recognize him in anytime but Chanyeol assures him that he would never leave him.

 

 

 

 

 

It takes Chanyeol a few more years into his career before he finally announces that he is going to retire from being an idol. It has been a few years of popularity and happiness and also succession for him and he is so grateful to his fans, but it’s time for him to admit that he is getting old and can’t even come up with his packed schedules.

Some people question Baekhyun, who is already detected by the fans two years ago. It was kinda chaotic for quite a moment and the company Baekhyun is working for was bombarded with reporters and alike, but then the news died down and everything went back to normal again.

Their relationship was a bit rocky at first, but they slowly build the perfect trust towards one another. There is no doubt in them, only full love and appreciation. Baekhyun trusts Chanyeol to keep his words and promises, while Chanyeol trusts Baekhyun to wait until they can be together publicly.

Now retired from being an idol, Chanyeol works in the management as a music producer for younger generation of idols. A year after he officially becomes a producer, he proposes to Baekhyun so they can spend the rest of their life together, to finally fulfill the promise of them being together in love and trust.

The news of their wedding is blowing up at that time, and in a blink of an eye, everyone forgets about them. Chanyeol is thankful that no one pays that much attention of him anymore, because he would like to have his privacy respected as he takes Baekhyun out of the country to have their honeymoon.

Nothing feels better than to have escaped the hectic life of the busy city and to spend a short free moment in a place where no people recognize him, watching his now husband laughs over a comedy show, and surging forward to steal a kiss from those rosy lips.

And as he stares at how beautiful Baekhyun’s eyes blink at the sudden attack on his mouth, Chanyeol feels himself smiling the widest and then he finds Baekhyun mimicking his smile. Nothing better than listening to Baekhyun whispering that he loves _him_ and then receiving soft kisses in the end.

Nothing better than knowing that Baekhyun is his, the opposite applies. Nothing better than that.

 


End file.
